When I grow up....

Up until recently I always was making the statement “When I grow up…”  The funny things I am a grown up.

Being *a* grown up and *being* grown up are not one in the same.

There are so many things I wish I could get done.  Not things that I can't physically do – just things that for whatever reason I don’t do.

Like cleaning – really clean from top to bottom – the house.

Get organized.  De-clutter.  Room by room.  The entire house.  Every room, every closet, every drawer, cabinet, nook and cranny.

Just looking at that it seems too much.  So overwhelming, so daunting.  I don’t even know where to begin.  So I don’t.  I can’t.  I look at that and think there is just too much, I can’t do that…I don’t’ know HOW to do that.  That is how I feel about a LOT of things.

I feel if I can’t do something 110%...perfectly…better than anyone I know, then I can’t do it.  I will be a failure. 

There are so many things where I fall short.  I have a LOT of shortcomings as a person, I know this.  It makes me mad and frustrated and upset.

I know who I WANT to be…and its not who I am.  I don’t know how to change that.  I don’t know how to be happy with who I am, who I have become.