God's Plan - Not Ours

My husband has  a job interview today…and I'm not happy about it.  Simply put, I hate change.  It is something I can't control.

He has a job - a good job - 5 minutes from our house with awesome hours.

As I was getting ready for work this morning I was praying about his job interview today.  As much as *I* don't think he needs to change jobs, I still want him to go into the interview process feeling comfortable and not totally bombing it.   When I was done praying about today and his interview and the process, I realized one thing.  I never actually prayed for him to *get* the job.  Because I honestly, I don't want him to get the job. 

Then a thought hit me.  It doesn't matter what I want or even what my husband wants.  Its all up to God.  Its His plan we're living - not ours. 

So now, I'm trying to direct my thoughts toward the more positive and trying to see it as opportunity for our whole family to grow and follow God's plan - whatever that may be.

Five Minute Friday: Tired

Five Minute Fridays...

We write for five minutes flat on Fridays.

We write bold and beautiful and free. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just write or not.

Check out more here.

Ready....GO!

Tired.  Seems like I'm always tired.  I'm tired right now.  I'm tired after I drink a large coffee in the morning. 

When you see the word tired, that is what you first think of.  SLEEP.

There are other kinds of tired though. 

Tired of listening to the same crap from your kids tired.

Tired of doing the same kind of job tired.

Tired of everyone not listening to you say the same thing, day after day - at home, at work, at _________ (anywhere really that fits) tired.

Tired of not doing everything you set out to for the evening because by the time you get home from work AND make dinner AND clean up dinner AND get the kids and yourself ready for tomorrow AND remember to feed the dog (hopefully someone remembers if when you forget) AND something I'm sure I forgot….it is almost time to go to bed. 

*I wrote this on a Friday in Sept because for some reason I thought Tired was the topic only after I wrote it and got ready to link it back I realized I was wrong.  I saved it thinking maybe it would come up as the topic someday.  Well, someday has arrived!  Ironically, I'm tired and am sort of glad I don't have to do another post.  *sigh*

Five Minute Friday: Ordinary

Five Minute Fridays...

We write for five minutes flat on Fridays.

We write bold and beautiful and free. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just write or not.

Check out more here.

Ready....GO!

Growing up I had (what to me) was an ordinary life.  It was me, my older sister and my mom & dad.  Both my parents worked full time, my sister and I went to school and spent afternoons after school before my mom got home trying (not) to kill each other.  Ordinary, right?  Barbies, braces, boyfriends...

My dad traveled a lot for his job.  In turn, we moved a lot.  We lived most places an average of 4 years and early on adopted the pattern of moving every 2 years into a different house - but still in the same city.  We lived all over...we started in the east coast, slowly made our way out west ending up in Hawaii before moving back east.  3 elementary schools, 1 middle school & 3 high schools later I turned out okay.  My dad went to Hong Kong, Taiwan, Palau & brought us back all sorts of crazy, exotic gifts.  He was gone a lot of my childhood traveling but I didn't really think too much about it - it was my ordinary...normal.

When I talk to people about my family life growing up I get mixed reactions - yes, it was probably odd to people who had a more 'traditional' family that my dad traveled and lived other places for work from us but I didn't really know any different.  I remember thinking it must be odd to have your dad around living with you all the time.

Having been married, divorced, re-married with kids and step-kids I am sure that our ordinary...normal...is far from 'traditional'.  There are always kids coming and going, soccer games, school functions, volunteering...but it works for us.

It works for us.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  

Five Minute Friday: Rest

Five Minute Fridays...

We write for five minutes flat on Fridays.

We write bold and beautiful and free. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just write or not.

Check out more here.

Topic today is rest.  Ready....GO!

Restrooms...growing up my family always called the bathroom a restroom.  Sort of formal I suppose but using the word bathroom made me slightly grossed out (restroom sounds so much prettier, don't you think?)  

Which made me think of rest areas (bear with me here...rest...restroom...rest area...it all makes perfect sense [in my world anyway]).

I'm obsessed with rest areas...I love stopping at them, watching the people, seeing where they are from.  Seeing everything they have in their cars.  I love to people watch and what better place to do it, right?  When I was younger and we traveled my sister and I used to make up stories about people by what they had in their car.

This July my husband and I took a cross country driving trip.  We drove to Seattle and back (from NH).  2 weeks of driving...just for fun.  It was possibly THE best vacation we've taken.  We go to stop at all the rest areas...I was in heaven.  Some of them we even got to grill lunch or dinner at. 

My favorite.  It was so beautiful and quiet and just perfect.

I know, probably not your typical rest Five Minute Friday post I'm sure...but hey...it's Friday - before a long weekend and I officially have Long Weekend Brain (and a case of the sillies).  

That and I read the wrong Five Minute Friday post and wrote a killer post on something completely off topic...but shhhhhh...we won't mention that.  Who knows...maybe I'm just psychic and I already have next weeks post already done.  I know, I'm soooooooooo cutting edge :)

September 3in30

I jumped on board late with the August 3in30.  My plan was to keep the same goals for September, although I've since changed my mind (I do that - a LOT).

1.  Develop a healthy morning routine (which doesn't include yelling, fighting or rushing - ANYONE).   

I've joined #hellomornings.  Since committing I've only managed to get up before everyone else 3 out of 6 days soooooo...this stays for September.  My goal is to get up EVERY day before everyone else.  Even if I don't have time to do all those crazy things I want to in my head (like an hour long jog - jog? HA! I don't even run - but some mornings it sounds fun, right?). I will get up and make time for the important things...a bible study/prayer time, some exercise and a few minutes to plan my day.  

2.  Purge my junk (and not become a hoarder)


I have a friend who just had a yard sale.  She told me she cleaned out her 'hoarder rooms'.  Which freaked me out.  A LOT.  I've seen that show.  I have those roomS...as in more than one.  My mom and I are having a yard sale at my house next weekend.  So really, I hope to accomplish most of this between now and then.  I did manage to clean up  my bedroom making somewhat of a dent (I really should do a follow up post - it really is clean now...promise!).  Now if I could just make about a thousand more dents, I'd be good to go.

3.  Read a book (I used to read a TON, now I have a Kindle and I read none - go figure)

I thought if anything this would be the easiest.  I love to read.  I have bookshelves full of books, not to mention I just got a Kindle and download every single free book I come across.  Unfortunately though, other than doing a couples bible study with my husband and going online, I've never really read anything on it. So I'm just giving it up.  With 7 kids I'm sure if I leave this here I just be setting myself up to fail so off it goes.  

Replaced with

3.  Drink more water.

Sounds slightly lame but I should.  And not to sound lazy but it is an obtainable goal and goes along great with #1.  

Taking Back the Pep in my Step

So I started a new morning routine last week.  On Wednesday.

My goal for the first week was to get up 15 minutes early than 'normal' for prayer/journaling, exercise and a few minutes for planning out my day.  Wednesday, Thursday & Friday were great.  Got up early, did what I had planned - I even started feeling good from the exercise.  

I noticed I had more energy…there was a pep in my step.  Though out the day I felt renwed…refreshed.

Then the weekend came.  I wasn't sure about what to do.  It was the one weekend a month we have all 7 kids.  I knew in my heart that getting up even just a few minutes early and starting my day with some prayer and exercise is exactly what I would need.  With Hurricane Irene looming and the prospect of being stuck inside all weekend, I knew it was going to be one dozy of a weekend.

But I didn't.  This is where I learned the importance of going to bed at a decent hour - having a good bedtime routine.  Usually on the weekend my husband and I stay up later and Friday was no except.  He was up playing computer games…I was up catching up on tv.  Bedtime Friday was almost 1:30am.  I knew at that point, when I checked the clock before dozing off, I was doomed.  And no, I didn't learn.

I was very disappointed with myself this morning when I got up at my normal time.  I was sad almost.  I really enjoyed my days of that.  Its hard once you commit to doing something and fall off the wagon.  It’s a good reason really to just give up and not try anymore because you feel like "Why bother now?"  I'm not going to let that happen to me this time though, with this. 

I really enjoyed my new morning routine those 3 days and starting tomorrow I'm going to continue to enjoy it.

Five Minute Friday: Older

Time is slipping away it seems.  The kids go back to school Monday.  The early mornings and late evenings are cooler.  It will be fall before we know it.  


I always wanted to be older than I was, at any given time.  I think I want to take that back now.  My son is starting 8th grade....EIGHTH GRADE.  This will be the year of the high school orientation, among other things.  I'm not ready for that.  My daughter will follow the next year.  


I know I'm getting older.  I know my kids are getting older.  Funny though, it seems my parents never get older.  They look the same, act the same...

When my kids were younger I used look forward to the fact that when my daughter graduates high school I'll be 39, I'll have the whole world in front of me...the world is my oyster, right?  Wrong.  Wrong.

Them getting older only means I'm getting older.  I think for the first time ever, I'd like that to stop. 


Five Minute Friday - read more about it at The Gypsy Mama.

3in30 - A head Start of Sorts (Or else I'm just really far behind)

So I've been watching this website and stalking the Facebook page for the month of August, a little nervous about committing.

But, what the hey! Might as well just jump right in now and get a head start of sorts.

My 3in30 (for August and most likely September):

• Develop a healthy morning routine (which doesn't include yelling, fighting or rushing - ANYONE)
• Purge my junk (and not become a hoarder)
• Read a book (I used to read a TON, now I have a Kindle and I read none - go figure)

Developing a Realistic Weekly Schedule {Homemakers Challenge}

I was so excited for this weeks {Homemakers Challenge} at Joyful Mothering.  

I thought "Great - just what I need - a schedule".  It fits me to the T - I have a planner, I make lists, I know what is going on with who at any given moment. 

Funny thing though…despite all that every time I tried to do this challenge, I hit a wall.  I feel overwhelmed with all the things I want to put on my list verse being realistic about what I can actually accomplish.  Thinking about weekly chores leads to other chores/things I don't really do often enough (only tall people actually see what I hide on top of the fridge, right?) which then snowballs into making a list of all things I've wanted to do EVER (clean the basement, paint the living room…and on and on). 

My problem?  Between my husband and I we have 7 kids between the ages of 7 and 18.   (Yes, you read that right - SEVEN).  Our household is far from 'traditional'.  We have kids here, there and everywhere.  In addition to that we both work outside the home.  No 2 nights in our household are ever the same, which makes it hard to say 'Monday night I'm going to [insert chore here]' - on any given night I am a cook, a taxi, a referee, a hairdresser.  Just last night I had to save a Lego man from being tortured by the salad spinner (welcome to my world!)

Conclusion?  I need to stop trying to be perfect and just go with it.  I need to learn to use what God gave me and rely on Him more.  I have a history of making unrealistic goals and setting myself up to fail.  So I made my list and I'm just going with it.  I'm going to pray for flexibility and wisdom to know what I should be doing when.  Here's hoping the dust bunnies under the couch don't multiply week to week if I forget and leave them there!

This weeks challenge is to come up with a list of 5-10 must do weekly chores.

• dust
• sweep the floors (ideally I should do this at least twice a week)
• bathrooms
• bedrooms
• grocery shopping
• garbage
• fold/put away laundry

Homemaker Training {Homemakers Challenge}

For awhile I've read along with the Homemakers Challenge at Joyful Mothering though wasn't 'brave' enough to participate (I'm shy, I embarrass easily, no one I know in real life knows I have a blog as I'm sure I would die of embarrassment, blah blah blah).  Until this week.  This challenge really hits home.  So I'm just jumping right in.

Pictures are worth a thousand words right....

My bedroom...

My daughters bedroom

Riiiiiiiggghhhhttttt....see what I mean....??  Though I could proudly say my whole entire house does not look like this, that is far from the point.  That even 1 room does, is bad enough.

I am so embarrassed to have these here, for the whole world to see, (as I'm sure my husband is) but the whole world needs to see them.  Not because I think everyone wants to see my messy collection of bedrooms but because I need to expose my secret - I am bad example of a homemaker to my children.  

How dare I tell my daughter every day to pick up the dirty clothes off her floor or make her bed when I don't.  And she sees that.  I don't want to pass this along to my grandchildren.

When I first read this post last week, the subject weighed heavy on my heart for days...for the entire weekend.  The subject of the state of our bedroom is a constant discussion between my husband and I - I struggle with my inability to 'house-keep' daily.  This weekend I spent some time in thinking and even praying about how to make my wrongs right. I can't undo how I've lived my life before, I can only start new, today. 

So today is the day.  Today I start being intentional...with what I say, and do...the why and the how.  So that sometime in the very near future I can answer these question proudly (and post the after pics)...

Are you teaching intentionally?  Are you talking about why and how you take care of your husband and your home?   Are you having them participate with your home keeping duties?

It took awhile but I finally got it...

God knows what we need before we do...before we ask...before we can even communicate it.  I've never grasped the concept of that until today.

I knew things needed to change, I knew I needed a change - inside me - I just didn't know how...or what. 

Since starting a couples devotional a few weeks ago with my husband, my behavior & attitudes at home and toward my family, has been very heavy on my heart.  I know what my downfalls are - my major one is that I feel the need to be in control and when I'm not it makes me feel very anxious and stressed - all of a sudden.  This crazy person comes out that sometimes I don't even know and she yells and screams and just isn't very nice to the people around me.  I know how it feels when that is happening, when I feel like I am losing control, yet I can't do anything to stop it. Or so I thought.

God is in control.  As a believer, it is something I always heard a lot, but never really got.  I never really felt like anyone other than me could have control on my life.  Before, just thinking about it makes me feel like I am going to have a panic attack.  The is the wrong attitude to have.  And today, that all changes.

Lord, today I am putting you in control of my life. Like you always should have been.  I can't try to control everything anymore.  It makes me tired and weak and I hurt the people around me.  I can't do it alone.  Help me remember that.  

"And this same God who takes care of me will supply ALL your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.."

Philippians 4:19

When I grow up....

Up until recently I always was making the statement “When I grow up…”  The funny things I am a grown up.

Being *a* grown up and *being* grown up are not one in the same.

There are so many things I wish I could get done.  Not things that I can't physically do – just things that for whatever reason I don’t do.

Like cleaning – really clean from top to bottom – the house.

Get organized.  De-clutter.  Room by room.  The entire house.  Every room, every closet, every drawer, cabinet, nook and cranny.

Just looking at that it seems too much.  So overwhelming, so daunting.  I don’t even know where to begin.  So I don’t.  I can’t.  I look at that and think there is just too much, I can’t do that…I don’t’ know HOW to do that.  That is how I feel about a LOT of things.

I feel if I can’t do something 110%...perfectly…better than anyone I know, then I can’t do it.  I will be a failure. 

There are so many things where I fall short.  I have a LOT of shortcomings as a person, I know this.  It makes me mad and frustrated and upset.

I know who I WANT to be…and its not who I am.  I don’t know how to change that.  I don’t know how to be happy with who I am, who I have become.

Soup Kitchen

Back on June 22nd I volunteered at the local soup kitchen.  I spent all day going back and forth about cancelling but never did.  And I'm glad.  It is so outside of my box...something I really need at times.

My emotions were all over the board while I was there...it felt good helping out, I felt bad for the people who have to come there, bad for the people who were waiting outside for the shelter to open (in the rain that day).  But then again I also felt hope.  Hope that maybe somehow I could make a difference.  I want to make a difference, I want to change the world.

It was not what I expected.  When I hear 'soup kitchen' I vision a homeless man, wearing 5 coats with a scruffy beard & backpack...a line of people who look like him holding trays going up to a serving line getting a scoop of this and a scoop of that...a milk...something warm to drink.  It was so far from that.

I sat at the table and checked people in (by writing their names on a list).  I really wanted to do something in the kitchen but Sam, the kitchen manager said that 'first timers' run the check in to see how the meal works. 

Everyone lines up outside and waits to be let in.  They are patient and polite...they and friendly and respectful of each other.  They check in, sit down and wait.  House rules are gone over, someone from staff says a small blessing and the food is brought to them at their tables by other volunteers.  They eat, as fast or as slow as they want.  Then they bring their trays up to the counter and leave.  Most leave right after, glad for the meal.  They all said thank you as they were leaving.

Telling them to have a good night when they leave made me feel bad.  Most of them are homeless...how exactly were they supposed to have a good night.

No matter where you go, God is there waiting.

I am like Jonah.  And then again I'm not.  I am in no way a prophet, however maybe God speaks to me.  Not maybe, He does.  Like Jonah, I am afraid.  I don't want to do what God wants me to.  I don't even know what He wants me to do, so how could I even do "it"?  Its easier to not do what God wants.

I've spent years asking everyone I can about listening to and hearing from God.  I've asked a lot of people the same questions, "Does God speak to you?" and "How do you know its God?" and the biggest one "Do you listen?"...three simple words.  Do you listen.

Sometimes, I was asked the same questions in return.  My answer was always simply No, God does not speak to me.  


And that was a lie.  In the back of my mind I've always known, I just didn't want to listen.


The first time God spoke to me I knew it.  From the moment it happened.  I knew exactly what I needed to do, what He TOLD me to do.  And I didn't do it.  I didn't want to.  Really, it was easier not to. 


For most of my time being a believer I've been running like Jonah.  For one reason or another and up until recently I thought they were good excuses.  Good excuses...is there  even such a thing?  


People are just that...people.  Human.  We all make mistakes.  I forget that.  And because of that I've been running.  I figured if I wasn't going to church, I could just avoid God.  I was trying to make things way to simple...if I wasn't IN church, I didn't have to deal with God.  Because it was easier.  Because I was afraid. 

Jonah felt that if he avoided Ninevah, he could avoid God.  There is nowhere we can go to escape His presence.  

No matter where you go, God is there waiting. 

   

But Jonah ran away from the LORD and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the LORD. – Jonah 1:3 (NIV)

Jonah was running from the call from God to preach to Ninevah, so he tried to get as far as possible from that city. But Jonah made a common mistake; he felt that if he avoided Ninevah, he could avoid God. The story of Jonah reminds all of us that there is nowhere that we can go to escape His presence. How about you? Are you trying to escape God’s call on your life? No matter where you go, God is there waiting.

Today’s commentary by:
Dave Whitehead, Senior Pastor, GraceNYC.org


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